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Am I an enabler to an alcoholic?

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  2. Category: Substance Abuse
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  3. Am I an enabler to an alcoholic?
Asked: 2017-11-29 08:39:44
My boyfirends drinking gets out of hand at least 3 times a week. I told him his drinking would force me to move out, but he keeps doing it and I haven't left.
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Answered: 2017-11-30 06:01:42

 You need to follow through on what you say. If you keep backing down and being untrue to yourself he will see that and know that his behavior doesn’t actually need to change, because after all… "you haven't left yet and probably aren’t going to."

4

Answered: 2017-11-29 12:56:47

 Significant others are normally the most common types of enablers in someone's life who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.. Alanon is always an option.

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Answered: 2018-11-01 14:58:45

If you feel that his drinking is getting out of hand and you've already confronted him about this, then it is time to do something. Not for him, mind you but for yourself. You aren't responsible for what he does or doesn't do. Enabling is common with significant others. Try going to Al-anon for support.

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Answered: 2019-01-02 21:52:27

Hey Zoe, I am sorry you are going through a rough time with your boyfriend. The fact that you are mindful of enabling him is a good start. If you do not mind me suggesting, I would pick a day when he is not drinking out of control. I would sit him down and explain to him why his drinking makes you uncomfortable. Try using "I statements" like: When you finish a bottle of booze and you become rude or mouthy, I feel like you do not..... When you get so drunk you..... I feel like i am the only responsible.... When your drinking gets out of control i feel like you will... and that makes me uncomfortable. "I statements" remove blame and shame, they accurately express your feelings based on your perception. This prevents the person or in this case, your boyfriend from getting defensive. After you have accurately explained your feelings try to set a healthy boundary like this: Because i feel this uncomfortable i no longer want to live with you. Because your drinking worries me, i feel i need to leave our home because.... Then follow up with: if you..... I will consider..... If you don't ..... i will not ...... If this behavior does not..... Then it leaves me no choice but to ..... The goal is to express how you feel, explain your actions based on your feelings, and then propose a solution or boundary. The hardest part is following through with those boundaries and the consequences associated with them if they are broken. If this does not go how you expected you have so many options. You could stage an intervention about his heavy drinking, you could contact a treatment facility, or you could go to Al-anon to get support for your struggles like Ben and Steven have suggested.

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